DEAR WADENYA- I HAVE BEEN FOOLED
Posted by Isaac Amo Kyereme | Posted in Culture, Education, Entertainment, Letters to the editor, Personal,
I am Sandra, single and a parent of 2 young boys. Three years ago,I met Joshua a father of three girls who told me that he was divorced and that his ex-wife remarried and abandoned them. The eldest child attended camp with my boys and were good friends. so it was no surprise when Joshua and I met and became good friends. Joshua who worked as a Taxi driver desperately needed help with his
kids. I picked up all the kids from school, cooked supervised their homework and most of the times they slept in my home when Joshua worked.Our relationship bloomed into a love affair and we got engaged. We could not afford a wedding right away due to financial constraints, so to cut down on our expenses he moved in my house. My kids called him Dad and his called me Mom.
Many times Joshua did not make more than fifty dollars from his
trips, so I was forced to pick up the expenses.
The first year after we met, Joshua's mother died and he traveled to Africa for two months. It was financially difficult because he took all the money with him. When he returned he appeared to have changed. To cheer him up , I suggested that he considered a security guard job while he attended vocational training as the Taxi did not bring a steady income..He took a one year course in Respiratory
Aide and had no difficulty obtaining employment, but while he was in school I was the bread winner. I waited Six months after he got a better job and brought up the wedding plans, I observed that Joshua appeared uneasy as our relationship cooled down. When I expressed my observation he denied it. One day Joshua said that he wanted to move to his own place and prepare himself
for the wedding. He was to invite us to his house once he settled down.
After I had not heard from him within a week since he moved out, I decided to call him. I was devastated when I discovered that his phone was disconnected and he had quit his job a month earlier.
Last month, I met an old friend who informed me that Joshua had brought his so called ex-wife from his country, evidently he
had problems bringing her abroad because of visa issues. I am so devastated,all the time and money I spent on this man and his
kids. The lies he told me and my boys. I will deal with him. Do you think that I should tell his wife about us when I find them.. help me find this user
Dear Devastated.
I really feel for you, I do not want to come down on you.So
let me start by saying Roman 12.19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
We all sow what we reap. Do not bother with his wife, believe me she knows and so did the children. She too will reap her oats.
Women need to stop mothering men. God created us to be a helper not an
enabler..We make ourselves too available at times.
I must say that Joshua got advantage of your kindness but you are also to blame for your situation. Understand that we all go though experiences in life that make us stronger and wiser and I hope you have learned something from this.There were Red flags which were a recipe for disaster.
First, I believe that you took too much on your plate, your responsibility was and is to your two boys, you should have allowed Joshua to be responsible for his children and not wasted your good earned money on his responsibilities. What type of a man moves in a woman's house or allows a woman to take care of him , "a loser
"My ten year old son knows that in my culture, if a man cannot afford the dowry, he dare not discuss marriage,in short cut your coat according to your clothe!!
You should not have played house with this loser. If he could not afford to marry you, that was not your problem, you should have allowed him to figure it out while he lived in his house.
You should not have allowed your children to call him Dad, he was not their Dad, he probably used this to manipulate you. He was not an uncle either, his title was Mr or Sir. That defines the boundaries. What was wrong with driving a taxi?
He was comfortable there until you changed his status. You made life too easy for him. I can assure you that his mother did not die, but he traveled to be with his wife and his children knew the game that he played you. He was broke because he sent money to his wife for her visa.
I am concerned about the impact this has on your boys, and I must advise you, that in the future place parameters with your male friends. Keep them away from your
boys while you check them. Next time hold off getting intimate with a man until your honeymoon and never let any man move in with you. Your boys for now are the men of the house. Remaining
bitter takes precious time from your Boys. Let go, your boys need you, teach them to be real men and remember that people enjoy the success that they work to achieve.
I wish you all the best ..
